Research reveals the secret of ‘Happily ever After’

If you think the way to eternal love is through grand gestures of romance and passion, think again. Sure, love poems, romantic getaways, and surprise flowers are all wonderful for keeping your relationship happy, but the true secret lies in the small, every day moments.

Remember those first few months of dating? You would spend endless amounts of energy storing up all of those little quirks, likes, and dislikes of your new love. You would dissect everything he or she said, hungry for more. What is her favorite restaurant? What is his favorite cologne? Does she like it when I tickle her here? How does he feel about me putting my hand on his leg here? It was young, fun, and exciting. It seemed effortless, and in a way, it was. Unfortunately, this type of intoxicating persistence seems to dissipate drastically once complacency kicks in. But why should it?

If you think about happily ever after like your dream job, then you have to pursue it with a vengeance. Attack it fiercely and nurture it constantly. Think of your relationship as just as important as your life’s work. You’ll do anything and everything to make it happen. It is this intentional, insatiable quench for relationship success that makes love last.

So how do you “show up” everyday for your marriage and make it thrive, not just survive? Couples guru Dr. John Gottman says that the secret to achieving relationship satisfaction is by doing small things every day to show you care. Adopt the motto “small things often.” His couples research that expands 40 years shows that – he calls this a “Love Map” – to show support, display love, increase intimacy and maintain mutual respect is the basis for a happy, healthy and successful relationship.

Make your relationship your most passionate life pursuit by waking up each day and committing to each other. Acknowledge and respond to your partner in all the little ways.  Put your marriage on a pedestal and give it the attention, time, and effort it deserves. This is the way to a “happily ever after” kind of love.

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